Saturday, March 27, 2004

today's the beginning of the best weekend in my life =)
sleeping over with pem tml
and we'll b heading for sentosa on the next day for sum bonding and funnnnn
note that when i say PEM, i MEAN PEM
pem = sam "dear", cute lil mi, *yuck* ting, *double yuck* geline and *PUKE* geok
ALL OF US
no more no less
ALL
wat else can b more wonderful than that?

i have so much to thank God for
the sleepover and sentosa trip was originalli set on fri and sat
but sam cant make it on sat afternoon
so we changed the date to sat and sun
and then, coincidentally, kit wan msged mi today to tell mi that there'll b a choir meeting tml
so, if we din change the date of the trip, i cant make it
THANK GOD =)
every pemer can make it to the trip
THANK GOD
every pemer is looking forward to the trip
THANK GOD
we managed to buy all the stuff we need by today: 5 pink lunchboxes, 5 set of pink utensils, 5 pink towels, fabric paint to draw the pem logo on the towels that comes in 5 diff colours =D *thanks to geline whu bought them all and thanks to geok whu helped her with the carrying =)*
wahahaha
we'll nv grow up yes?
and thats the way we like it
THANK GOD =)
church tml
THANK GOD =)
CT's over
THANK GOD =D
i got to spend a little time with big sister today =)
the Lord provides.

went to the bookstore with da- jie and momsy and ting and found a book of names so we started looking through it to c if there're any good names for my future nephew =)
then we saw this name ABBA which means father in sum weird language
we spent quite sum time laughing at that
WHU WILL CALL THEIR SON A NAME THAT MEANS FATHER?!?!
WEIRD...
wahaha

im juz informed that im in charge of see hong's breakfast on monday
*cackles* REVENGE!
wahahaha...

blessings blessings blessingsss
may the Lord be with you too =)
pemers i love you guys
SLK rox too =)
my family's wonderful
my star's shining bright
thank God =D

Monday, March 15, 2004

hey geok
i dunno if there will realli b less fun if you joined us during talent nite
but i noe that we all wished so hard that you were here =)
realli!
geline was like "where geok???"
and when this girl went up to sing yi ge ren sheng huo, we were like "if onli geok lan was here!"
and another girl went up to sing a world new world and we were like "sighs, she shld've came!"
wahaha...
hey
we bumped into each other after sermon that day
i chickened and juz stoned
hee
doesnt mean i dun wanna tok to you k?
i was..
a chicken
wahaha...
got scared =S

sam dear
im sorry there wasnt a bday celerbration for you =(
sum frens we are, yes i noe
sorri =(
i realli hope to c you soon!

went to westmall for awhile yest
I SAW KUNDA!!! *SHRIEKS*
sweet joey queued up for mi and got their fingerprints on my cd =)
i missed her so much
and YEN YEN IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!
wahaha
she'll look dazzling in her wedding gown =)

rahel hurt her back or sth
pray for her ya?
it sounds serious =(

time to hit the books =|
cant wait for recording after CT

Saturday, March 13, 2004

today was realli happening =)
so much happened such that gp exams felt like yesterday
mi's realli glad that gp's over
the Lord provides realli
thank God

talent nite was a blast
the whole LT was like bursting with enthusiasm =D
john clem and mike were GOOD
realli realli good
cam's band was realli impressive too =D
the biggest winner turned out to b a02
*grins*

zooms into geline's performance
she did pem proud
it was so sweet of her to dedicate the song to pem =D
the first part of her performance went so smoothly
sumhow it realli touched mi to c her performing onstage
tears cldnt help flowing
she was so nervous and inconfident before the performance!
but the moment she stepped onstage she juz shone so bright
then the big technical problem sets in
she muz have felt scared
but she continued her song
so brave, she was
and i respect her for that courage to continue with the performance and still tried her best even tho the music screwed up
not many of us can do that
i noe i cant
my dear dear fren
she grew up wif mi
im so proud of her
tears cldnt help flowing
her bravery and wonderful performance earned her a standing ovation =)
you're truly a star
go pemers
we're all stars =)

quah quah
im sorry you cldnt make it!
wished you were here realli!
geline was great =D
she done us all proud

thank God for being with pem =D

Thursday, March 11, 2004

God's plan falls into place so nicely
thank the Lord for SLK
tha talk we had was...
great
everything i thot, everything that i kept to myself
the atmosphere was so apt
i told it all
and i feel the stress dissolving, giving way to a new found hope and a resurrected passion that i lost so long ago
we know each other for no more than a year
but so well we noe each other
it is comforting that you guys can understand how i feel towards life and everything else
my Father in Heaven walks with mi
and He led you to mi
thank God that our paths crossed

laughter is a powerful weapon against any negativity =)
and its the onli thing i get when i hang out with SLK
^___________^

geline's gg to sing solo onstage tml!
i cant wait =)
all the best for ur performance girl!

*grins*
thank Lord for everything.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

waiting for the stars to shine again
im waiting for the stars to shine
again

there's a song i miss so much
precious memories
it brings
together with tears
i miss PM
i miss the times we study together
so close.
we were so close
we were.

Hi no Ataru Sakamichi

Kisetsu hazure no kaze ga hakobu omoi
Natsukashii egao no kimi wa tooi machi
Takaramono dato yoberu mono wa nani hitotsu mo
Mitsukerarenai mama otona ni natte yuku

Nanimo kamo ga zenbu kono mama ja
Owarenai

Daremo ga itsuka koeru sakamichi sono saki ni wa
Marude ano hi no sugao no mama no bokura ga iru
Toomawari demo kanarazu tadori tsukeru
Kitto kitto itsuka

Kawatteku mono kawaranai mono mo
Fueru keredo hitotsu hitotsu ga
Tada ito oshiku omoeru

Omoi dashite togirete ita merodii
Mune ni sotto

Modorenai michi furikaeru tabi tachi tomatte shimau yo
Kanashimi no doa o warai tobashite kowaseru nara
Mou mayozu ni massugu aruite yukou
Zutto zutto kimi to

Daremo ga itsuka koeru sakamichi sono saki ni wa
Marude ano hi no sugao no mama no bokura ga iru
Toomawari demo kanarazu tadori tsukeru
Kitto kitto itsuka

English translation

This season is almost past, the wind brings back..
These feelings
I miss your smile, you're so far away

Treasured and called for, what one thing..
Will I never be able to find
To become an adult

Anything and everything, all this
Will never end

Someday everyone passes through the hill road
When they get to this point
That day, we were completely honest
Taking a detour, yet if we struggle we'll get there
Someday, without fail

Various and unchanging things keep increasing
One by one, however
It seems that you're my only love

I'll remember this broken melody
Secretly in my heart!!

Looking over my shoulder, I can't go back
Time and time again, I stop
If I can break down the door of sadness
And laugh
I'll be faced with another puzzle, let's walk ahead
Forever, forever with you

Someday everyone passes through the hill road
When they get to this point
That day, we were completely honest
Taking a detour, yet if we struggle we'll get there
Someday, without fail

sunshine slope
i'll find me at the other side
no matter how much it takes
i'll get there

Monday, March 08, 2004

read ur blog =)
i still care ya?
God put us thru this for a purpose
we shall learn the lesson together yes?

"waiting for the stars to shine again"
mine's starting to light up already
God's wif mi =D

geline bought the our talent nite tickets today
its $3 per person so make sure u guys pay her back k? =)
part of mi doesnt want friday to cum bcos that means gp exam will cum
but part of mi is wishing that friday will cum rite away becos i cant wait to hear geline onstage
*excited grin*

quite a no. of my juniors arent staying
im gg to miss them so much

hmmm..

Sunday, March 07, 2004

to see hong, the very very best twin in the world wide world
i juz fin reading ur blog
yes i felt so connected to you too
and yes i wanna hold you and tell you how much you brightened up my life
its God whu brought us together
and when i realli needed sumone to listen
He sent you
the Lord provides =)

shiqi
dun worry
like see hong said, we all care
b strong and trust the Lord
He will lead you
the Lord provides =)
juz have faith and be strong
we'll always b there to listen if you need us
be strong

i absolutely c the need in telling the world wide world:
see hong, shiqi and rahel are great frens
they stick to you thru happy and hard times
our friendship is short
but thru so many things i c the sincere love we feel for each other
thanx so much dear frens

thank God

i noe i wasnt supposed to read it
but i glanced thru a few lines of it

=(
during this period of time
i cld onli c how much i gave in and sacrificed
ur mentioning of how much u had to suppress ur feelings softened mi
i noe we werent great frens to u when you were sad abt ur i/c and stuff
i think this boils to the way we handles things once again
when i sat down to talk to geline abt this , she kept trying to clown around and joke and to change the topic
it realli irritated mi becos i WANTED to talk abt it
but i c the effort in her
she doesnt realise that i wanna talk abt it
all she noe is that im unhappy due to this and she is trying her best to help mi forget it
we all have very different solutions to problems and very different ways of interpreting stuff
but we all have good intentions
and thats wat realli matters isnt it?
gg back to the content of ur blog
*im saying this not to put blame on anyone but i realli wanna let you guys noe how i feel*
you wasnt the onli one whu had to smile when you dun wan to
many a time i put myself in ur *ur as in all members of pem, not onli u* shoes, and thot for all of u
i kept my problems and the feeling of being left out to myself, giving u guys bright smiles so as not to dampen ur happiness
im sorri i nv thot that you cld b giving too
sometimes things get so hard that my feelings cant b put away and suppressed anymore
it happens to you too doesnt it?
im saying this juz to let u noe that u are not the onli one whu had to sacrifice and so arent i the onli one
ting and sam and geline muz have thot for us and gave all of themselves to help us when we needed help
so mayb its time we *we as in all of us, not onli mi and geok* start to realize that we r not the onli pple trying to hold pem together
everyone's trying

the sermon at church yesterday was like custom made juz for us, dun you feel, geok? =)
i realli had to thank God when i saw wat the message was abt
its something tat we need to have in order to solve this prob once and for all
To be like Christ
it isnt easy
but with God
we can =)

and geok
im tempted to read the rest of ur blog!
can i pls? =P
i wanna noe how u feel
the anger is not in mi anymore
thank God

i told geline i wanna quit pem
i have been thinking abt it mths ago *i was realli gg thru hard times then* but this quarrel realli triggered this thot
she told mi off
she said pem is not onli abt mi and mi and mi
quiting pem has everything to do with each and everyone of you
when sam thot of giving up the dream, i called her selfish *i no longer think so sam, dun worry!*
but i cant c that the moment i think of leaving, im being extra selfish too
geline opened my eyes
and i can c it now =)
thank God

there are so many more that we have to learn
lets all try together
To be like Christ

the Lord provides =D

Friday, March 05, 2004

thanx to joel tan jun wei whu was so sweet =)
juz asking if im alrite shows that you care
thanx so much
it realli touched mi =D
realli
thanx so much

pray that shiqi will b fine

congrats to ting and geok and geline, for ur wonderful results =)
i got a five =(
but God's there for mi
the new system dun require chinese grades =)
thank God
realli

Thursday, March 04, 2004

we had sort of like a farewell party for our chinese teacher today
we sang fen shou kuai le
john clem and mike sang too
lin lao shi cried when we sang her the song
we cried too
she told us wat she felt abt each and everyone of us

i'll miss her so much

i wanna thank see hong, my wonderful twin, for being there to listen
i told you stuff that i nv ever tell anyone in my life
and you listened and understood mi
thanx so much
realli

i wanna thank siew yu for that phone call, for the encouragements, for the sweets u bought mi
it was realli sweet
realli
thanx

thanx to shiqi and esther whu made mi laugh so much today

thanx to jonathan for the pic msg

thanx to john for worrying

thank God for these pple whu showed mi care and concern when i need them the most =)

i dun get everything that u r trying to say
it seems to mi that you dun get wat im trying to say too

the pt is that:
dun assume i wan to leave you out unless i said it rite in front of u
i nv had the thot of trying to stop u from learning anything of speed's
if it was the choosing of songs to record that made you think so, u r very much mistaken
i kept rejecting the speed songs geline suggusted bcos i thot u will not b interested in sth that seems to b memories of onli eternity and that will make u feel left out
so i reject the speed songs
you always give mi a feeling that u dun like us to mention speed cos its sth that we liked as eternity
when geline and i was watching the vcd for the first time, i suggusted pem recording white love but geline says no cos she feels that this is sth eternity shares and she dun wanna break that memory
wat makes mi unhappy is that you seems to b extremely biased against mi
everything geline does wrong can b forgiven but every little thing i do wrong, i have to b condemned
thats y i nv confide in you
bcos ur actions make mi feel that you will end up judging mi instead of helping mi overcome my sins
that will onli push mi deeper down into confusion and sorrow
so i nv tell you my probs

is there any wrong to dislike misery?
do you love to live in sorrow?
you say i cant tolerate things
at the way you r speaking thru ur blog
it seems that you r not trying to control ur temper too
so we're even?

i dun complain abt you behind ur back
i try my best to protect u
ask anyone
they'll tell you the truth

you seem to b very upset everytime i say the word sian
its juz an expression to mi
it dun mean that i juz complain and do nothing
it means that im trying so hard to do sth that im realli worn out

you say if i continue like this, i will onli hate you more
but im saying this back to you
if you continure like this, you will onli hate mi more
so we're even?

you ask "y dun u juz buck up and stand up on ur feet n tink abt it rather than lament and get angry with mi"
you seem to b doing the same
so we're even?

you say "if u think i am wrong, u cant b right either"
im saying the same to you
if u think i am wrong, u cant b right either
so we're even?

i realli dun remember being scared to tell geline that i like takuya
i personally asked her and she said she knew long ago that i like takuya and i was nv afraid to tell her

the comment that you all were to occupied with ur books wasnt meant to blame you all
sorry if i cant get the msg across

ur words are hurtful not becos it hurts my pride
its becos im innocent of watever you r accusing mi for doing

i find you very synical of all the stuff i said abt loving
i realli do love
but mayb in the way you c it, im doing it wrongly
everyone has diff ways of doing and expressing things
mayb in terms of that, we r miles apart
we we r wrong in each other's eyes

i din mean to twist wat you meant
to mi, that is realli wat you meant
so its either ur expressing prob or my interpreting prob
its both i suppose

i typed this as calmly as i can
im not asking for a fight
but i need time to cool down
dun b angry if i dun go to you during church this sat
i realli need time

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

im crying so hard so hard so hard so hard all im asking for is for sumone to understand i need a listener too i cant always give all of myself im human too i need sumone to sympathise wif mi to hear mi to hear how i feel but you all seems so preoccupied with urselves that u dun have the time for mi so i have to bear with my problems and repress them so that i can b cheerful in front of you to relieve you of ur pain

im human too

juz becos im always laughing always acting cute always acting crazy dun mean that i dun have problems dun mean that i dun need a fren dun mean that i can b taken for granted so many things i did for you and now you do this to mi argh

for so long i felt so lonely
i felt alone
whu's there for mi?
i cant c
but God keeps mi gg

you r not helping
at all
is the behaviour of a christian?

my love for you flows with my tears

i read ur blog
and it made mi angry
yes it did

so hurtful. ur words that scream so loudly at mi
whu's the one assuming things now????????????
I DID NOTHING TO DELIBERATELY LEAVE YOU OUT
I DUN HAVE A SINGLE CLUE THAT YOU WERE FEELING LEFT OUT
STOP EXPECTING MI TO ALWAYS NOE HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU JUZ SUDDENLY BECUM QUIET AND ALL
I TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES B4 THAT I CANT TELL HOW YOU FEEL EVERYTIME YOU BEHAVE THAT WAY
YOU NOE HOW WELL THAT I SEE TRASHING THINGS OUT AS THE BEST SOLUTION TO SOLVE PROBLEMS
whu's the one whu doesnt remember stuff?????

lets recall
we were watching the vcd
then yenting went
then i said lets record
and we started choosing songs
geline asked you to choose
and you started showing attitude
and YOU ASK MI TO IMPROVE MI SPIRITUAL LIFE?!?!?!
WHU'S THE ONE WHU CANT CONTROL HER EMOTIONS?!?!
WHU'S THE ONE WHU'S ALWAYS BLAMING EVERYONE BUT HERSELF?!?!?

ARGH!
Y CANT YOU SEE???
WHEN DID I EVER TRY TO LEAVE YOU OUT?!?!?!
I WAS TRYING SO HARD I TELL YOU!
TRYING SO HARD TO INCLUDE YOU!
GELINE AND YENTING WANTED TO WATCH THE VCD
I WAS THE ONE WHU TOLD HER I WAN US TO WATCH IT TOGETHER SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE BONDING TIME
I WAS THE ONE WHU ASKED GELINE TO MSG ALL OF YOU
I WAS TRYING MY BEST TO START A CONVERSATION WHILE WE WERE WATCHING THE VCD, WHILE ALL OF YOU WERE PAYING SO MUCH ATTN TO UR BOOKS THAT IT MAKES NO DIFF WHETHER YOU ALL WERE HERE OR NOT
I SAID NO TO ALL THE SONGS GELINE SUGGUSTED TO RECORD THAT YOU R NOT FAMILIAR WITH
AND YOU SAY I LEAVE YOU OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!
AND YOU DARE TO TELL MI IM DETACHED FROM GOD
AND YOU DARE TO ASSUME THAT I NV TRY TO B A GOOD CHRISTIAN!
WHU GAVE YOU THE RITE TO JUDGE MI?!?!?!?!
SINCE WHEN WERE YOU THE ONE WHU DETERMINES HOW GOOD A CHRISTIAN AM I???
DO I REALLI HAVE TO SPEAK OF MY LOVE FOR GOD PUBLICLY ALL THE TIME JUZ TO LET U NOE I LOVE HIM???
Y DO I HAVE TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I LOVE HIM???
IF ITS NOT FOR GOD, I WOULDNT HAVE BOTHERED TRYING NOT TO LEAVE ANYONE OUT AT THAT TIME
IF ITS NOT FOR GOD I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED AT YOU WHEN YOU WERE SHOWING MI ATTITUDE AT THAT TIME BECOS I WAS REALLI VERY IRRITATED!!!!!!
Y CANT YOU C????
Y???
I DID TRY TO THINK IN UR SHOES, IN CASE YOU ASSUMED THAT I DIN

ARGH!
WAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?????????
WHY WILL I TRY TO LEAVE YOU OUT ON PURPOSE?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

i beg of you
pls stop this
its killing mi!!!!!!!!
realli it is
so many things i feel
how much i tolerated
how suffocated i felt
you nv knew
and now you spit such hurtful words in my face

PLS TRY TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!
STOP PUSHING MI!!!!

stop.

stop

i've cum to realise that i have very high expectations
very VERY
high expectations
for the people around mi
for singing
for everything that matters to me
this makes mi disappointed a lot of times
becos reality shows mi that i cant control stuff
and things that i expected usually dun happen
God's will?

pray that i'll be fairer to the people around mi
and onli start being critical of everything when im sure i can do everything as well as i expect others to

so many things that i need to learn
wat rite do i have to expect loads from others?

hmm.. nite.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

sometimes
it gets so good
i tear
im touched
so convinced that we can
so convinced by words

other times
it gets so bad
i tear
im unhappy
so convinced that we cant
so convinced by action

if im not mistaken
action speaks louder than words
things are easier said than done

mayb its juz mi
the way i see things
the way i interpret
so
i shld juz go with the flow
rite?
somehow
a loud voice in me screams: NO

im tired of this
realli i am
its always happening
ALWAYS
ALWAYS!


always.

there's a limit to tolerance!

argh nvm
i'll end up being convinced by words once again
and this viscious cycle goes on and on and on and on...

it goes on

so i'll juz stay put here
instead of gg one whole round to find myself lost again

i'll stay here.